spinnersending | Better Than You

Better Than You

"Better Than You"
Who: Severus Snape & Remus Lupin
When: 6th Year
Chapter One: Here

A pass to the Restricted Section was even easier than Severus thought it might be. Dumbledore gave it to him without even glancing up, saying that he was looking forward to the results. Severus could only imagine that he meant the Wolfsbane Draught paper he was going to submit, but who knew with the old wizard? Dumbledore was not a man anyone ever underestimated.

When Remus did not show, Severus noticed and wrote it off. That brief connection and near friendship had been enough to make him even more bitter about the whole idea of friendship and turned him off on it entirely. Stupid git. As if he might have actually found things in common with a creature like that! Good riddance!

Too bad his breakthrough potion was going to help the mangy sod! Severus groused as he found the book he was looking for and brought it back to the table. This was not a potions book at all, but one on the animagi.

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Severus screwed up his fists and held them clenched at his sides. Remus stood up for him? That stung. "Why do I have to change!?" he shouted back, his eyes wetter than usual, though that could just be the reflection of the moon or the water in them. "What is so bloody wrong with me?!" Well, he knew the answer to that little gem didn't he?

Stalking across the space between them, Severus did not bring up that he had tried to stop the snake from choking Remus when he realized what he did. Or that he had worked to create that potion...well, that hadn't been for Remus, even if, deep down, it was sort of suppose to be an olive branch for that beating.

"I didn't ask you to stick up for me. I didn't ask you to bother me." Despite having asked him to meet here. They were close enough now that Severus could feel Remus's angry breath against his cheek. Close enough to headbutt him if he so chose to.

Severus paused, flecks of wolfish gold in Remus's eyes distracting him.

"I'm not asking for anything," he managed to choke out, eyelids lowering.

He stood his ground, breathing hard in front of Snape. His eyes were trained on him and he could feel where his wand was if need be. "So you like being miserable then? Not having any friends, always peering into some cauldron day in and day freaking out? You like being a bigot and constantly sucking up to people that if they knew that you weren't a pureblood would rather see you dead? Always seeking some sort of recognition for the pitiful life you lead? Yeah, that sounds bloody fun." He said, letting the words spill out.

He stopped at that. He had to. Remus was becoming meaner and he didn't like it. He would not become like Severus, saying things purely to hurt the other. That wasn't his intent.

Truth was, he was confused about all of it. He watched as Snape's eyes lowered and swallowed. "Despite it all, I like doing this. Whatever this is--" He gestures to the both of them. "I'm not scared to admit it, but I just don't..."

He growled out of frustration. "I can't be whatever it is with you if you can't at least respect me. I'm not asking for anything either. But this constant back and forth between the both of us is maddening. I'm in either a fowl mood or a great mood and it's all because of you! Whatever you did that day, for the past week."

There were far too many emotions running around in his head at the moment. He was still so angry at Snape for what happened. He was glad he didn't stomp away and came back. He was afraid that Snape would still say something harsh and criticizing for what he just said to him. There was a lot. But the look on his face was vulnerable, his hazel eyes round and looking up into Snape's dark eyes - similar to the day the other bruised his ribs.

Severus licked his lips in response, trying to come up with something decent to say without managing to have anything come to mind. When he looked up again, Remus was still peering at him. He was so intense that Severus had to take a step back, but found he couldn't. His shoes sunk into the mud. That's what he told himself. The suction was keeping him there.

"I'm trying." His voice was thicker than usual, perhaps because he looked ready to bolt, his eyebrows scrunching up on his forehead. The words were telling. He was not going to attempt to try, he was actually doing it. He had been for that week already. The hate was gone. Old habits were hard to break.

Severus did not lay the blame on anyone. He was as much at fault as Remus was in most cases, if only because he did not think his actions through.

He sucked in a deep breath and then looked down again, turning his head slightly to the side as he contemplated his words and actions. His effortlessly long, pale neck caught the moonlight and he gingerly pressed his fingertips to Lupin's chest.

"I'm sorry."

Well that was... not what Remus expected. He thought Snape would retaliate - say something horrible to him. Remus would stomp off hurt, go back to Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail and say they were right.

But that's not what happened. Remus winced when he touched him. His chest was probably the most sensitive area. There were constant lacerations and scars. Plus he was still healing from almost a week ago when Snape had punched him repeatedly. He didn't even go to the Hospital Wing for it.

Despite the flinch, Remus did like the contact. Human contact. And the fact that Snape was still there. It meant that he was still -- whatever they were. He at least liked him enough.

And he apologized.

Remus swallowed. He needed to do the same. "I'm sorry about everything as well. Especially the other day -- in the Shrieking Shack. I freaked out on you and it wasn't -- people don't get to see that part of my life. It took years for me to be comfortable for the others just being there." He blinked slowly. "It's not something I share with people."

He wanted to back away. Just mentioning it made him want to run, but he was using the same excuse Severus was in his head: it was too muddy. Besides there had to be some reason he was a Gryffindor. Having the courage to say all of that wasn't easy.

There was also the fact that he really didn't know why he was there, saying those things. Remus just knew that he related so much to Severus. While he loved his friends, he understood the loneliness, keeping secrets, and hiding -- all to protect oneself.

And it clicked. So that was what it was all about. The way Severus acted, haughty, smug, cruel -- it was the same game Remus was playing. Not that he could blame himself, but he knew there was a different side to Severus. He was staring at that side at that moment.

"I'm not exactly 'people,'" he muttered, not trying to be a pain in the arse about it, it was simply the way it was. "How I like it, really," he went on. "No one else notices me." He let his hand drop, fingertips running against the fabric just the same until the angle of his arm caused his hand to lose contact with Remus. "Guess I'm the safest bloke to tell your secrets to. Who'm I gonna tell, right? Even if I did, no one'd believe me."

He shook his head to clear the bangs from his eyes. Remus wore his scars under his clothing. Sirius Black liked to give Severus his so that they were visible. As his eyes reconnected with Remus's, Severus chanced a smile.

"I don't know how to be mates." Severus would kick himself latter. He sounded like a right git. Or worse, a pounce. He tried to keep that thought out of his head. "Had a friend when I was younger, but--" He gave a half hearted shrug. "It's not awful to work with you, Lupin."

He lifted his hand again, this time to offer it for a shake.

Remus shook his head. "It's not that. I just don't trust people easily, I guess. There's too much at stake." He said, looking up. "You found out and you wanted to use it against me. That's how everyone thinks. And it's only going to get worse the older I get."

It seemed like they'd come to some sort of truce. And it felt oddly nice. Though Remus hated to admit that he was rather disappointed Severus' hands left his chest, he shook his hand and gave the other a genuine smile.

"I'm not expecting the world to change -- just don't transfigure a snake around my neck." He gave a small laugh.

Severus's hand lingered in the slightly thicker, but no less calloused hand of the Gryffindor's. If he had the time to analyze it, he would note that his fingers were longer than Remus's, but more slender. The same with most of their features. They were the same, but not the same. It was those differences that intrigued him enough to keep on holding the scarred digits with his own.

"Scarves are out," Severus said quietly. "But what about neckties?" He pressed his thumb into the meaty part of flesh between Remus's thumb and forefinger. "Spiders?"

He snorted at the look Remus gave him, though he was only playing around.

"You know, Lupin, we're going to tame you. If it works like it should, no one's got any reason to be afraid of you."

He kept his hand still, grasping the other's firmly in his. It was more human contact. Something that grounded him, made him not worry about the beast within.

"As long as they aren't too venomous. I don't want to die of a spider bite either." Remus grinned again.

The Gryffindor had to smirk at Severus' choice of words. 'Tame'. Interesting concept. "They still will. People fear the unknown. And it isn't a cure. I'll still be a monster." He admitted, averting his eyes again and shifting awkwardly.

http://spinnersending.livejournal.com/900.html?thread=14468#t14468

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Better Than You

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Another novel.

:) Yay for Remus!

I need to stop writing novels

But they're so lovely!

Awe, thanks.

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Bumped