spinnersending | Better Than You

"Better Than You"
Who: Severus Snape & Remus Lupin
When: 6th Year
Chapter One: Here

A pass to the Restricted Section was even easier than Severus thought it might be. Dumbledore gave it to him without even glancing up, saying that he was looking forward to the results. Severus could only imagine that he meant the Wolfsbane Draught paper he was going to submit, but who knew with the old wizard? Dumbledore was not a man anyone ever underestimated.

When Remus did not show, Severus noticed and wrote it off. That brief connection and near friendship had been enough to make him even more bitter about the whole idea of friendship and turned him off on it entirely. Stupid git. As if he might have actually found things in common with a creature like that! Good riddance!

Too bad his breakthrough potion was going to help the mangy sod! Severus groused as he found the book he was looking for and brought it back to the table. This was not a potions book at all, but one on the animagi.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The way Severus fell back into the posh accent and the words he said stung. Remus knew what he was trying to do, the mask he slipped back on. It just made everything he said that more apparent.

But despite himself, that's not what he wanted. He sighed again. "Sirius already found us once. He also thinks you fancy him. The way you were... staring yesterday. Not that I wasn't guilty of it as well, but it just makes this - whatever this is - dangerous. I can't see you get hurt because of me." Remus said, finding something in himself to be assertive about it.

"And no, I don't want you to not mention the kiss. It happened. I liked it. I'm not going to lie. I just have my own issues, okay. I'm not like you. I can't even be myself around me." Remus bit the inside of his lip and took a step closer to him.

"I like you. It's just a very dangerous game we're playing at." He clenched his teeth. "But that's not saying I don't want to chose you. I just don't know what to do."

Severus picked up his quill when Remus was talking, but all he managed to do was pierce the parchment with it. Merlin, this was making him so angry. It was entirely too complicated. "Figure it out and let me know," he said, unable to keep himself from sounding so on edge. Slamming down his quill, he got back up again, notably agitated.

He couldn't just pretend! He couldn't. Remus was maddening. One moment he was absolutely, without a doubt, the happiest he could remember being and the next? Remus was having second thoughts.

"I-I don't understand! I don't know what this is! I don't know what you expect me to do!" He shoved Remus...because it felt good! Because it was still a touch. Because Severus had grown up where the only sensation he'd ever had was usually to be hit.

No, this wasn't supposed to happen like this. "I don't know. Be understanding. It's not like you don't know what James and Sirius will do if they find out. What were you expecting? Things are complicated because our whole relationship is complicated." He said.

He most certainly wasn't expecting to be pushed over. It caught him off guard and he fell back against the wall, shaking the building slightly. He deserved it, but it didn't stop the pained look in his eyes as he sank to the floor. He wasn't in pain - it hadn't hurt him that bad, but he didn't know what else to do.

He swallowed hard and looked up at him. Why did he get himself involved at all? It was only causing them both undo pain.

Severus followed him, dropping down half in his lap, both hands on his shoulders. He had been planning on decking him again because, as much as Severus hated what his father was, he still acted out like him in the most unfortunate of ways. That Boggart was not just telling the future.

However, being close to him again, gazing into his eyes again, the same strange spell that had fallen over him several times now caused Severus just to drop his forehead to Remus's.

"I don't care," he muttered. "Couldn't do worse to me than they already do."

"And I hate that. I always have. Everything about it. And I've never done anything to stop it. What kind of person does that? Just lets someone get bullied like that? And I'm a bloody Prefect!" Remus said as looked up and pressed his forehead to the Slytherin's.

He could feel himself opening up again. Remus was fighting so hard not to, but he just felt at ease with Snape. Even when he pushed him against the wall. He understood the pain behind Severus' actions. He saw it in himself.

He bit his lip again. There was so much more to say. He had the words, but they weren't coming up. His demons were still rattling around in his head, all his insecurities, but Severus' touch seemed to dissolve the words before they could get out of his lips. So now he sat there and brought his hands to the other's chest, clutching on to him. It was his turn to be reminded about the reality between the two of them.

"Doesn't matter," Severus murmured, arms around Remus's neck. Their noses touched. Their lips touched. It was brief and impossibly romantic for a boy that had never seen romance before. Common room antics did not count. Nor did the way he watched his mother pine for his father.

Severus learned as he went. All he knew was that he was content for the first time in his life. He shifted his weight and literally climbed into Remus's lap this time, fingers tugging at his ruffled brown hair.

"Whatever they do...it doesn't matter. All right? Don't think on it."

He felt his heart stammer in his chest when he kissed him again. For as incredibly nervous that everything was going to come crashing down on them, he felt as ease again. Like something was finally whole.

He touched Severus' face lightly as they sat on the floor together. He brought an arm around him to hold him, just sitting like that. It was hard to just let it go, let them go. While Remus couldn't give a care what most people thought of him, it meant the world what the people he cared about thought of him.

Remus looked back into his eyes and nodded. "I can't promise that I won't constantly worry about it, but I wouldn't trade this for anything." He said running his thumb over Snape's cheek.

"That'll be on you," Severus smirked, leaning in against the touch to his cheek. "It's not worth worrying over." He was adamant about that. If they were caught, and it was a bit if, he'd just take memories. It was a terrible thing to do a terrible charm to perform...

He wouldn't hesitate.

It wasn't as if he needed Remus. He told himself that adamantly. But there was something here. Since the werewolf let him kick the shit out of him in the laboratory that day, he couldn't get him out of his mind.

He made a mental note to check up on werewolves and pheromones.

He was much more interested in getting better at snogging.

Remus wasn't going to take what he said so lightly. He might not worry about it so much, but Remus did. Even if he managed to keep his own secret about liking Sirius, this would be much harder and he wondered how long it would take for the excuses to run out.

He pressed his chest to him and kissed him lightly again. Remus couldn't help himself. When he liked something, he liked it. His kiss was soft and longing. He let his mouth open up to Severus, taking it wherever it went. He knew the other liked control, and Remus was used to following anyway.

This was certainly true. Having the ability to decide how and when was important to him. Remus could not get one over on him this way. It was bad to start a relationship of any sort without trust, but Severus simply had no capability for it.

That would come later. If there ever was a later for them.

Tired lips, tired tongue, tired eyes, Severus finally pulled back when his stomach growled. They'd been at it for over three hours, talking softly about classes, or simply gazing at each other between kissing sessions. He was starving.

"Oh, blimey. I forgot. I grabbed some of today's lunch this morning during Prefect duties. I stopped off in the kitchens and the house elves, well they really like giving people food. It's in my satchel." He said after awhile. Remus was getting awfully hungry, too. Though he was enjoying sitting with Severus, talking, kissing, and whatever else they were doing.

Though he was a bit stiff from sitting on the floor. Remus waited for Severus to get up before he arose, not wanting to throw him off his lap.

http://spinnersending.livejournal.com/900.html?thread=40324#t40324

Better Than You

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject