spinnersending | Just Causes

Just Causes

"Just Causes"
Who: Severus Snape & Remus Lupin
When: 6th Year
Chapter One: Here
Chapter Two: Here

Tomorrow night, this place would be filled with a beast tearing at itself until his friends could arrive to keep it calm and keep it company. Tonight, there was a beast of a different sort in the room, one unnamed but just as fearful. Swallowing, it was all that Severus could do to clean up as bit before Remus's mouth was on him again.

He laughed. Laughed. Mostly this was directed at himself for being so pathetically stupid. All this time he could have been with Remus and instead, they had left each other feeling miserable over misunderstandings.

Severus was quiet. Where they were going to do, he wasn't quite sure but he wanted to find out!

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He was managing a fairly normal life. It was kind of odd. Things never worked out so brilliantly for him. Though he did feel that pang of jealousy when he'd heard about Sirius dating someone new.

"Dumbledore says it may take a few more months. But this month shouldn't be as bad as the last. Things are fine between Sirius and I." He hadn't tried anything since the month before, and if he was going to pretend he didn't nearly ask Remus to shag him the night he returned, then Remus wasn't going to bring it up.

Remus was still trying to catch his breath, but he laid there calmly with the other. He leaned his head on Severus' shoulder and gave him a weak smile. He couldn't promise much, but the Infirmary was on call.

Severus didn't say anything, fingers gently running through the lengths of Remus's hair as they settled against each other. Severus was quite happy with Remus like this, he loved the weight against him, and he loved stroking thing fingers against his scalp. The petting was as important as the kissing. He felt so connected to the werewolf right now.

He sucked in a breath and let it out slowly. Last month, Remus had ripped up all of the places they had been. Why? He was sure it had to do with the tugging he'd felt that night to go to Remus.

To answer a call he could not hear.

It had been terrible for them both...and now they'd spend the nights apart again. Severus's fingernails inadvertantly scratched into Remus's skin at the thought.

Remus let out a yawn, but kept his gaze on Severus. He couldn't explain the reason why last month happened the way that it did, but he was trying to clear things up. He didn't like having such volatile emotions as a wolf. The most he could do was keep the air clear.

And as far as things were at that moment, they were perfect. He was still in post-orgasm bliss, but his life was going pretty well. Far better than it was last month. He only hoped when he returned to his dorm later, things would run smoothly. Chances are Sirius was shagging that new girl he had anyway, not a thought about Remus. And he was both okay with that and more jealous than he'd care to admit.

After parting from Severus, who decided to stay awhile longer in a room where there was nothing but quietness -- in reality, on the nights he and Remus met, Severus slept in the Room, though he had not told Remus this -- Remus would find a familiar gait matching his own once he hit the corridor leading to the common room. Sirius slipped his hands into his pockets, not even saying hello.

He didn't look tossled. Or smell like he'd been with someone. He was simply very, very quiet right up until they portrait.

He held his hand against the frame, barring Remus from the password.

"Do you even want me there tomorrow night?"

Remus left the Room of Requirement, hoping that it wasn't two weeks before he'd see Severus again. He had a pit in his stomach. And all people to walk by him at that moment. He should have expected it, really. Remus shouldered his bag awkwardly and looked ahead.

"I've never forced you to come. If you want to be there, it's up to you." Remus said, swallowing hard.

Sirius's teeth flashed, but it was not a smile. "That is not what I asked you," he said, low, right to the point. There was a hint of danger in his eyes as he watched Remus, testing the waters and Remus's responses.

Remus flinched slightly, not knowing what to expect. "What do you want me to say? If I say yes, I'll tear myself to pieces, but if I say no, I'll lose..." Remus paused and turned around. "I don't know what you expect me to do, Sirius. This isn't a game we're playing at. This is my life and pulling me around like this."

He looked up at Black, his eyes round orbs, wondering what Sirius would say or do. He was a few inches taller than him and had far more muscle. However Remus was tougher than he looked.

Sirius hurt. It was in his eyes, broken gray staring down at Remus with such a flash of anguish. "You hurt yourself because of me?" It wasn't exactly a question. He looked withdrawn and took his hand away from the frame. "Easy enough then. I'll stay here tomorrow night."

Remus still stood there, not willing to let it end there. Part of the reason things were so mucked up was because Remus kept letting Sirius drop conversations or sweep things under the rug.

"It's far more complicated than that, Sirius. The wolf knows you. If you're not there, it might just make things worse. Who knows at this point? Look, I'm sorry. About what happened. I just... I don't know." He said looking down.

Remus cracked his knuckles, trying to remain at ease. He could feel the surge of emotions filling him up again. He had to remind himself it was just the full moon and hopefully Pads wouldn't absorb the amount of testosterone and other hormones clearly radiating from him.

Sirius dropped his hands and chewed on the inside of his lips. "I don't know what happened to us, Rem. I'm sorry, mate, all right?"

He slowly moved his large hand to rest on Remus's shoulder and squeezed.

It was obvious that his emotions, like James's and even Severus's, were effected by the young wolf, coming of age, moving to adulthood. It was impossible not to be affected. This was a volitile time in a werewolf's life. And Remus did not really have a pack, just some animagi boys to follow him around.

Remus was not going to comment that the whole thing was his own fault. If he'd told the other boy he liked him, actually trusted him and told him his secret, then who knows where'd they'd be? If he didn't give in to Sirius crawling into bed with him. If things hadn't escalated. There were a lot of things that contributed. Remus just swallowed.

"It's okay, mate, really. Besides you've got a bird now, so I'm sure you're happy." Remus said as he offered his best fake smile that he could possibly muster up. The pain was still in his eyes though.

"A--" Sirius looked confused for a second and then laughed, arm around Remus's shoulders. "Yeah, that I do. Let's play it by ear tomorrow. If the wolf still wants to eat me, I'll hang out in the tunnel. If you look about ready to munch on yourself, I'll head out. And if last month was a fluke because-- Well, then we play tag like usual."

Sirius grinned, pulling Remus back inside the common room and up the stairs. He slipped into his own bed after that, though he seemed rather open to allowing Remus to come in with him if he wanted considering how he left a gap in the curtains to his bed where Remus's was.

Remus headed to bed. He stripped his clothing off, found a fresh set of sleep trousers, and was all set for climbing into his own bed when he just happened to look over at Sirius' bed.

He told himself it was just to make sure that Sirius was alright. For their friendship. Right. Sirius had a girlfriend. He wouldn't jeopardize that. No way. Remus was just going to crawl in there and make sure his best mate was okay with everything. His pheromones had nothing to do with it. At all. Not even a little.

Remus laid next to Sirius and looked up. He knew this was a bad idea. Why was he there? And yet, he couldn't pull himself away and retreat back into his own bed. No, he was there now.

Sirius's eyes were dark as he lifted a hand to Remus's cheek the moment that the werewolf came into bed with him. He watched him, carefully, and then lifted his head as if to kiss him.

He was careful. Slow. Remus could back away if he needed to. Sirius's lips pressed against the side of Remus's mouth. Brief. Strangely tender for Sirius.

He was trying.

He didn't move. He couldn't move. Remus was frozen solid in place. He could feel how clammy his hands suddenly felt. He took a slow breath out. He still couldn't move though. He could still feel Sirius against him.

"Sirius..." Remus objected, though he still did not move. "What about--"

And the words fell from his mouth. He swallowed sharply. And when he did finally move, those were not his hands clutching at Sirius, almost half desperate for him. For what? He didn't know. He just couldn't shake this feeling.

Sirius half-laughed under his breath and shook his head. "Made up," he muttered, an explination as to his supposed girlfriend no one bothered to ask him much about and who didn't seem to have a name.

He let his head fall back on the pillow as he gazed up at Remus. Sirius could feel Remus's need. His own curiousity about it led him into his own need. Fingers, calm and sure, touched his lower lip before his mouth followed suit again.

"You were fighting?" Remus asked, before it clicked. Sirius made the whole thing up. The girl and everything. Remus didn't know what to say about that. It sort of made things worse. He honestly worried about his mate.

And then once again his lips were captured by Sirius. He swallowed hard. He laid there frozen again. He didn't know what to do. Regardless of the fact that the imaginary girl clearly brought up some feelings, Remus once again thought of Severus. It was like his heart had sunk. He couldn't explain any of this even if he tried.

When the second kiss brought no response, Sirius sighed against Remus's lips and tucked a strand of hair behind the werewolf's ear.

"I'm sorry, mate," he whispered. "I understand. Just because you're not interested doesn't mean I'm gonna be angry. We're still great mates, aren't we?"

Sirius was, under the strong, uncaring exterior, just as lonely as Remus. He came from a terrible family that did not love him. He over compensated as a result. His only concern, right now, was keeping Remus as something.

"Don't hate me, Moony."

Remus finally turned, feeling the other's neediness. "Merlin, Sirius. It isn't that. Are you kidding? It is taking everything in me not to react. I've fancied you since third year and you never even noticed. Or didn't care. But now, now after all this time." Remus said all at once. He took a breath and rubbed his face with his hand. "It's so complicated, Sirius. I never meant for it to get like this. And it's all my fault."

If he weren't a werewolf, he wouldn't have this heightened sense of emotions. If he didn't have that then his mates wouldn't be affected. Then neither Severus nor Sirius would both be attracted to whatever it is Remus was feeling. He was doing it to the both of them.

Sirius sat up and tugged the curtain closed, the murmured quietus spell from his lips in an instant to keep the others from hear. "Talk to me," he said, taking Remus's hand. He rubbed his thumb along his palm towards his wrist in a very calming way. "What's so complicated?"

Other than having one very, very straight boy suddenly spouting his affection for him?

"Just took me awhile to see how it was I've felt is all. I'm not trying to make your life harder."

Remus still laid there, nearly as stiff as a board. He was more afraid about moving. Like if he sat up, he'd spill his guts about everything and he couldn't. Even with the way Sirius was looking at him, he'd lose it forever if he knew.

He slowly shook his head. The momentary openness suddenly gone. "My life, Sirius. My life is exceedingly complicated, and you don't even know what you're feeling. You only come to me during the full moon. You're only affected by the fact that I can't control my own hormones and they're radiating off of me." He said.

It was the only explanation Remus could give for why his very straight friend could feel anything for him. Maybe if he accepted it, then Remus could go on with his life. He was used to being the lonely one. The one with all the secrets. The one they protected.

At least that theory could give Remus some solice about Severus. Their time spent together had been most intense between full moons, when the pull of the magic that infused him was at it's least. That did not mean that Severus wasn't ferociously passionate...he'd proved to be two months in a row now the night before, giving into Remus and his own lusts, though they were not the only times.

Sirius just sort of blanked at Remus and frowned, eyebrows furrowing. "I'd like to think my feelings are my own," he muttered, letting go of Remus's hand.

But even then the wheels were turning behind Sirius's eyes. He knew it to be true.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry, Moony."

Remus let Sirius hand go, feeling his heart breaking as the other realized something he was only grasping at for an excuse. Even if it was or wasn't true, it still hurt. A lot. Remus clenched his jaw and swallowed before crossing his arms over his chest. Merlin, this hurt far more than he wanted to admit.

"It's not your fault, Sirius." His voice cracked slightly at the other's name. He couldn't even use the nickname. Not now. "If anything it's my own doing, so you have nothing to apologize for. I should have figured it out earlier."

ooc: Ack. So sorry. Friends sort of kidnapped me for a few days. Like practically literally. I didn't know about it and they just took me to New York with the clothes on my back.

As usual on the nights that Remus and he bothered with the room, Severus slept in a bed that smelled like the werewolf, waking up early to leave before the halls swarmed with students.

He had absolutely no idea about Remus's feelings for Sirius Black. That was for the best. Being second best, or the one that would have him, would have killed any progress he had made to be a better person.

Severus tried to catch up with Remus after one of their classes, a touch of concern in his eyes. "Is he letting you take the potion?"

((I'm glad you're all right!!! You were missed! Did you have fun?))

It actually wasn't second best. Remus continually chose Severus over Sirius. Part of Remus knew why, but another was the fact that he couldn't do it to Severus. The loneliness was mimicked in Severus, and Remus couldn't cause him pain like that. It's why it took him hours to fall asleep.

But morning came soon enough and he crawled out of Sirius bed and got ready for the morning. He managed to duck out of James giving him an odd look.

When Severus caught up to him later that day, Remus just shook his head. "It's not approved, yet." Was all he could muster. He was still down about the night before.

ooc: Oh, I did. Also, if you have AIM, my screen name is modernaurora. I could have IMed you on my phone while I was away to at least tell you "oh hai, afk for awhile".

Just Causes

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Ahhhhh!

<333

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