Just Causes

[spinnersending]

"Just Causes"
Who:  Severus Snape & Remus Lupin
When: 6th Year
Chapter One:  Here
Chapter Two: Here


Tomorrow night, this place would be filled with a beast tearing at itself until his friends could arrive to keep it calm and keep it company.  Tonight, there was a beast of a different sort in the room, one unnamed but just as fearful.  Swallowing, it was all that Severus could do to clean up as bit before Remus's mouth was on him again.

He laughed.  Laughed.  Mostly this was directed at himself for being so pathetically stupid.  All this time he could have been with Remus and instead, they had left each other feeling miserable over misunderstandings.

Severus was quiet.  Where they were going to do, he wasn't quite sure but he wanted to find out!

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He shook his head lightly. "It isn't you. At all." Remus said, reading the look on Severus' face. "No. It was Sirius."

Lupin sighed. He was already way past the point of no return. He had to tell him. Tell him why everything was so convoluted now. Why he clearly lashed out the night of the full moon. "He was waiting for me that night. He was drunk and waiting for me."

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Remus was going to have to explain to everything, absolutely everything, or else Severus was going to march up to Gryffindor and slaughter Black.

After what happened in the hallway a month ago -- that terrifying moment when Black had almost threatened to make him... Inhaling, he tried not to think about it.

Drunk. Waiting.

Severus grit his teeth. He opened his mouth to spit out something foul and failed.

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Remus shook his head. "Nothing. Nothing like that happened. He just wanted it to. I told him I couldn't. He just wanted to use me and I refused him. I-I couldn't do it." Remus bit down on his lip again, trying to contain himself.

He attempted to take his hand, but understood if he refused it. Right now, Remus felt like the lowest form of anything. He truly was a monster in his eyes and he couldn't stop beating himself up.

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Severus took it at once.

Given a choice, Remus had picked him. Over Sirius Black. He was blank, eyes wider than usual before he made a soft 'hmm' sighing sound through his lips. The edges turned up and he butted his forehead gently to Remus's.

His eyelashes were wet again, but he ignored that. No one had ever chosen him over another. His heart felt as if it was on fire.

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Remus didn't know what to do. At all. Severus wasn't running away or hexing him or insulting him. He was doing the opposite in fact. He swallowed again, leaning against the other. "Why don't you hate me?" He asked, nearly pleading. He just wasn't expecting any other response. Especially not tears and an embrace.

"We haven't talked about it -- him and I. I know I have to eventually, but I just... I can't. I can't believe he was willing to do that to his best mate. And I put myself in that position." Remus bit his lip again.

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"Why would I hate you?" Severus murmured, arms moving around Remus's neck finally so that he could hold on better. Remus and he had kissed a few times, had a bit of a roll around together, but they weren't exclusive. They were not 'dating' or 'seeing' each other. There had been nothing verbal there. "Black is a hateful blagger," he muttered. "And a right div."

And you chose me.

"Are..." He swallowed the thought that Remus might want Sirius in the future...when he wasn't drunk. He did say he had put himself in his position, right? Nevermind that now. "Are we all right?"

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Remus knew that the two of them weren't exclusive, that nothing was ever said about it. It'd be odd to bring such a subject up anyway. And it wasn't even necessarily what he wanted. He rather liked whatever it was they were. It was just that Remus felt excessively guilty, not wanting to lose Severus. After all, they stopped talking for weeks because of a misunderstanding.

He took a deep breath, breathing in Severus' scent -- the one that the wolf was trying to get at so badly. "Why wouldn't we be?" He asked, pulling away just enough to look in his eyes.

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Because I was afraid you were going to tell me that you'd rather be with Black. It was a mental confession. The best that could be done now. Severus tugged Remus close to him again, greedily kissing his rough lips.

Losing Remus was not an option, not anymore. As pathetic as Severus thought it to be, he couldn't manage to breathe if he thought they'd be otherwise.

The kiss was short, if only because he was sure he was hurting Remus. If his face was scarred like that, his body had to be worse.

And he'd go through it again in two weeks.

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He was sore, but he'd rather be sore than not have Severus. Remus rapped a bruised arm around him and kissed him. This time it was he who was a little rough, letting Severus know he wasn't some fragile thing. No matter what Severus did to him, he could face the pain. He was worth it. Just hopefully he wouldn't touch his ribs.

He also took the kiss to mean that Severus wasn't worried about them being together. Though he did still wonder why he asked in the first place.

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Nose to nose, Severus's lips brushed Remus's again. He didn't want to talk. Two weeks had been a long time to go from having the wolf to having no one but his worry.

He took his hands in his own and tugged him back to the bed. His head ached and all he wanted to do was curl up against his chest and listen to his heart for a little while.

The world could disappear for all he cared.

[hurleralalune.livejournal.com]

Remus didn't want to talk, because it seemed like whatever was happening was good enough for Severus. He was fine with that. He was fine with doing whatever the other wanted to set him straight again. It clearly had been an emotional twelve days for him. That was a lot of time to be on ones own.

He followed him back to the bed, not knowing how wrecked it was when Severus first got there. Of that being the spot that he nearly bled out in. But now the bed was put back together and Remus laid back, wrapping an arm around Severus.

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As much as Severus would have rather done the holding, to exert whatever power there was to be had in situations like these, all he wanted to do was lay his head on Remus's chest and wait for the world to right itself.

The moment he put his arm around Remus's chest he felt the slight hiss and snarl and not only drew back, but invasively pulled up his jumper and gazed at the mess his pale skin was covered in.

He caught his breath.

"Lupin, what bloody happened to you?! This place was... I was sure you were dead when I came in."

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A hand went into his hair as Severus put his head down on his chest to listen to his heart. He absently stroked his back with the other hand. He really tried to think what could get him like that. After all, he saw the layers of destruction on the way up.

Remus gave him a light shrug. "I dunno, mate. I haven't talked to Sirius or James about what happened. Peter won't even look at me." He said with a heavy sigh.

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Cool fingers tripped along the curve of Remus's ribs towards his navel and frowned. Had Remus killed someone? No, if that was the case, he wouldn't be back here. Whatever it was, it had been terrible. Severus was fairly sure that the blood had been Remus's.

All of it.

Why?

"Just a bad few days then," Severus insisted because anything otherwise he couldn't deal with himself. He was more careful when he settled against Remus's side and closed his eyes. "Ought to have been a Slytherin, you." Then they didn't have to leave.

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Remus kissed the side of his face and laced his fingers into the other, pressing his hand the Severus'. "I'm a little afraid to find out what happened. I don't even think they told Dumbledore, but I think he knows. About everything." Remus flinched slightly when he tried to curl up with Snape.

"Yeah, me? A Slytherin. I'm a halfblood and a halfbreed. Don't think I'd fair good with your lot." He smirked.

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The were hardly Severus's lot, but he held his tongue and gazed at Remus's cheek. "Maybe it doesn't matter what happened," he offered, his forehead still wrinkled with thought. "So long as it doesn't happen again. With the potion you should be able to keep your senses. Know how everyone is, right? No murderous intent."

He had to admit that after the nights he spent alone during the moon, he wanted nothing more to be at Remus's side. As if he belonged there.

Slowly, Severus's fingers gently splayed across Remus's chest, under his shirt, to feel his heart beating against his palm.

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Remus tried to get comfortable laying there, but his mind was racing too fast for comfort. Especially when Severus' hand slipped under his shirt. There were many new scars, his left hip particularly beaten up from slamming against the walls repeatedly.

"I'm not sure the Marauders see it that way. I think it needs to be brought up. And I have a feeling it has to do with Sirius given what happened the night before." He said quietly.

Remus turned his head to bury it into Severus' shoulder. He didn't want to talk about it any more. It just hurt too much to be put through it over and over again.

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Severus was not much of a talker himself so he hardly minded. After so long without Remus, all he wanted to do was sink into him. As his head met his shoulder, Severus lifted his arms and settled one in Remus's hair and the other along his spine.

"Let me tell you," he said, quietly watching the canopy he had set up, "about what you've missed."

Most of Severus's little talk was about lessons. He did particularly like Defense Against the Dark Arts more than he ought to, and went over whole lessons for Remus, even if the werewolf would have rather rested.

[hurleralalune.livejournal.com]

Remus just laid there and listened to him. He actually liked listening about the lesson. Even if what the class was going over, he probably taught himself two years previously. But Remus also just liked listening to Severus talk. It was comforting and it definitely calmed him down.

"I'm not particularly worried about much I missed. I might need to copy your potions notes though." He said as he propped his head up to look at Severus.

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Severus shifted against the mattress, his hand falling out of Remus's hair. Palm up, his fingers curled inwards as he gazed up at the werewolf. "All right. This time. No free handouts."

He was teasing lightly, the corners of his lips twitching.

Whatever it was about Remus, he had it so bad for him. He wanted to touch him even now, but why risk hurting him further? "You missed Pettigrew scorching the ceiling. We were doing a simple refresher icy-breath potion. What a mess."

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Remus sighed when Severus stopped touching his hair. He took the free hand in his own and placed it on his hip, letting him know it was alright. They couldn't do anything abrupt or rough, but touching wasn't going to kill him.

Remus leaned against him again, he head nuzzled at the base of Snape's neck. "I'm sure I'll repay you." He grinned up at him. "Oh Merlin, poor Peter."

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