Better Than You

[spinnersending]

"Better Than You"
Who:  Severus Snape & Remus Lupin
When: 6th Year
Chapter One:  Here


A pass to the Restricted Section was even easier than Severus thought it might be.  Dumbledore gave it to him without even glancing up, saying that he was looking forward to the results.  Severus could only imagine that he meant the Wolfsbane Draught paper he was going to submit, but who knew with the old wizard?  Dumbledore was not a man anyone ever underestimated.

When Remus did not show, Severus noticed and wrote it off.  That brief connection and near friendship had been enough to make him even more bitter about the whole idea of friendship and turned him off on it entirely.  Stupid git.  As if he might have actually found things in common with a creature like that!  Good riddance!

Too bad his breakthrough potion was going to help the mangy sod!  Severus groused as he found the book he was looking for and brought it back to the table.  This was not a potions book at all, but one on the animagi.

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Remus just nodded when his hand dropped to his side. He wasn't going to act like he didn't miss the contact. Instead he'd just cross his hands and start heading up the hill again.

"That's kind of you to say, Severus, but you don't have to say it. I know what I am. I know my kind. I know what I'm capable of." He said, looking down. Remus acts like it's more about he's watching where he's going, but it's still really hard for him to talk about this without feeling horrible.

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Severus smirked, turning, and smacked his hand against the slightly meatier shoulder of the other boy. Damn, was he just muscle everywhere? It was a good thing he hadn't hit back. Severus was sure he would have had his spine fractured.

"Hey," he said, dark eyes flashing. "I don't say anything to be 'kind' like a bloody Hufflepuff, got it?" He tilted his head to see under the fringe of Remus's hair. "Don't feel sorry for yourself. It's not attractive on you."

He gripped Remus's shoulder all the more tightly, trying to push the thought into the other boy's mind.

"An' just so you know, you're really not all that scary 'tall. You've pitiful fangs and your fur looks all nice and soft." He was not trying to make that sound like a compliment. "Puppy more than a wolf you are, so don't go exaggerating that you're some big, man-eatin' beast. Couldn't even get at me proper! What sort of poncy werewolf is that?" He held Remus's gaze, oil-slick black to gold flecked hazel. "Not much of a monster at all, if yah ask me."

It was hard to keep a straight face. Severus had been terrified of him, but Remus without a smile was a strange thing indeed. This was called: 'cheering someone up.' He just had never tried it before.

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The Gryffindor gave him a meek smile at first. He could tell the other was trying and pretty successfully. He also noticed how strong his accent was. It was kind of cute.

--wait, what? No, he did not just think that.

They were talking about Remus. "Right, think about that." He mentally told himself.

He looked back up into Severus' eyes and couldn't help but smile. It was a broad one. Genuine and heartfelt. "Right. I'm sure it's because if I caught you, there'd be nothing to eat. No meat on your bones." Remus nudged him in the side a bit, jokingly. It wasn't like he could talk. He was tinier than James and Sirius, just what little he had was muscle.

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"Catch me? You run like a bloody girl, Lupin. You'd need to do some trainin' to catch me." The whole situation was filled with inappropriate touching and more than a little flirting, though Severus was simply tired and following along by example. He was a social pariah, if anything, and while he did understand the concept, the fact that he was going along with it was completely lost on him.

He felt relaxed, walking backward up the hill as he tugged Remus along with him by the sleeve. The lights of the castle glittered not too far away, a welcome and cursed sign. They'd separate soon, though tomorrow was another day.

Severus felt high, the smiles lifting into his eyes.

"Maybe I'd give yah a head start. Since I'd feel bad you'd lag so far behind."

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He let himself get tugged along, though he was keeping a watchful eye out for Severus. He wouldn't want him tripping and careening forward onto Remus -- well, he wouldn't want Snape getting hurt. His speed slowed the closer they got to the castle though.

"I'd lag? I've kept up with you running around the whole school. I think I can take you as a werewolf." He looked up smugly. He had to lift his chin slightly to look in his eyes since he had the height advantage walking ahead of him on the hill.

"Besides don't you know that torturing your body as it's ripped and transformed into a beast against it's will is actually pretty athletic? It's how I got this great physique." While it was true and horribly painful, he tried to make light of it.

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The surprise on Severus's face was two fold.

Firstly, the thought of the transformation, something he'd only read about and even then, only clinically, made his eyes pop open. He did not pity Lupin this, but the thought was disturbing. He did not think on it much because he was now morbidly curious to watch it all happen. Well, maybe not. He'd gotten close enough to a werewolf, thank you very much!

Secondly, a loose piece of shale gave way under his foot on the trecherous climb towards their parting zone. Severus gasped, fingers tightening on Remus as he tried to steady himself and failed. "Rem--" he cried out, his free hand latching to the front of Lupin's jumper. He tilted awkwardly, pulling Lupin off balance as well. His foot slid downwards, between Remus's legs, because he could not manage to regain purchase on the dewey grasses. Severus and his flailing not only caused himself to tumble and slip down the hill, but he brought Remus with him.

They came to rest at the bottom of the valley, Severus breathing hard and grumbling with one hand against the back of Remus's neck. Well, in his hair, technically. He didn't mean to yank so hard.

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Great. Just what he didn't want to happen. He felt himself get dragged down and then tumble down the hill. He was starting to dislike this hill. Remus felt bone hit earth several times. When he stopped moving, he found himself lying under Severus.

He just lied there, too startled to move. Besides he was in a bit of pain and he didn't want to move Severus in case he was seriously injured.

He groaned aloud. "You alright?" Remus asked, looking up worried.

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Severus did not say anything. He was breathing just fine, so there was no danger of him being seriously wounded. Temple to the ground, cheek against Remus's neck, Severus's long eyelashes tickled the skin there as he tried to get the world to stop spinning.

He'd taken quite a few cracks as well, though Remus's arms had managed to protect him, whether he knew it or not.

Severus was spread across Remus's chest, the hand not in his hair stretched across his waist. He lifted that hand first and then curled it inward without rolling over. "Probably... You're too distractin'."

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He still didn't move. His chest and legs ached too much. At least that's what he told himself. He attempted to stretch, make sure nothing was too badly damaged. Remus let out another groan.

The Gryffindor gave Severus a smile at that. "I wasn't trying, I swear. I actually prefer to not get injured - as odd as a concept as that is." He said with a half shrug.

It was then he noticed his robes were sprawled out around him and his shirt had managed to rise up over his stomach. Severus was still on top of him and probably couldn't see, but he would when he got up. He peeled one of his hands off of Severus' back and attempted to push his old, ratty sweater back over his stomach, concealing the scars and cuts underneath.

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No need to just lay around all evening, even if his ankle ached. He'd had worse and Remus probably did not appreciate being used as a mattress. Severus drew up slowly, nudging the other boy's hand off of his back as he got to his knees.

It was an unfortunate position, not because he was paying attention to ridden up jumpers, but because of where one knee landed. Severus paid it no mind, but Remus could have a very different reaction, given that his knee was now rather firmly pressed between Remus's legs. As he shifted his weight, the pressure increased without becoming necessarily painful.

Severus grunted, distractingly himself -- against Remus's cheek as either hand moved to the side of the werewolf's head. "Leas' you broke me fall," he said, pain exaggerating his breathing. "You're not complete rubbish."

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His hand didn't make it in time to pull his shirt down. He was a little too distracted by the knee pressing against his crotch and the fact that Severus' hand was on his cheek. It stopped any sort of thought he had.

Lupin attempted a laugh, but it was weak and straggly. He dared not move so he just laid there and looked up at Severus. "Thanks?" He said as weakly as his laugh. He didn't know what to say, being in the middle of a head rush.

What was happening to him?

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"You're welcome." That was not Severus's voice. The yelp that followed, however, was definitely from the Slytherin. One moment he was there, warm and solid, and the next he was a small heap a couple of meters off, trying to breath. "All right, up we go, Moony," Sirius said, literally picking Remus up off of the ground and setting him on his feet. "Did he hurt you?"

The faint wheeze from the side was Severus's attempt at laughter, bitter as anything. Sirius had managed to punch the wind right out of him.

"Oops, scarf, there you are." Sirius Black had come to the rescue evidently. Remus had been gone too long. What better person to find a wayward werewolf than a boy that could literally sniff him out?

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And with that, Remus' thought processes had return. There was nothing pressing against him. He sat up abruptly, looking up at Severus with sorrow in his eyes. He didn't tear them off of him. "Sirius, let him go. I fell down the hill, accidentally took him with me." He lied. He knew it was wrong, but he didn't want the other Gryffindor to take Severus' accident as something else and end up making the situation worse.

He slowly looked from Severus' pained face to Sirius, pleading with him. Not that it would work. He never listened to him.

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Severus got another punch for the trouble. "Let him go? Me and Snivellus here are just bonding, ain't we?" Sirius dug his knuckles into Severus's head as the smaller of the two tried to pull away. "Ah, bloody hell, now I need to wash my hands."

He gave Severus a little shove, which was good enough to knock him over before Sirius came to stand next to Remus and help brush him off.

"Might have happened, but what were you doing out here? Still stalking him, Snivvy? Jeez, you're a bit obsessed, don't you think?" Sirius laughed and shook his head. "Think you've got a secret admirer. Anyhow, James wanted to know when you were coming back from your walk. We've plans, don't we?"

Severus watched the exchange, knowing better than to run, though his pride was hurt. He stayed silent, brooding.

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Remus was on his knees looking helplessly up at the two boys. He was so, so sorry for what Sirius was doing to Snape. "Sirius, stop it. I'm serious." He grit his teeth and pulled away from the other Marauder.

He gave Snape one last look, knowing it was better if he didn't say anything. "Come on, let's go to the Common Room." He stomped off, gutted.

They didn't have plans to meet again. It wasn't until he passed Snape in the halls the next day and thrust a piece of parchment into the boys hands. It simply said "Library. After dinner."

He knew that Sirius and James wouldn't look for him there.

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Severus looked at the note for a long time. He wanted to blame Remus for the pummeling he received, but he couldn't even force himself to get the wrong idea about it. It had been troubling enough to keep Severus up and awake for most of the night.

As he had plans to be in the library after dinner anyhow, his work on the potions paper almost finished so that he could not devote himself entirely to copying all of the books he needed to be an animagi for when his Restricted Section pass ran out. Meeting Remus was not going to be too difficult.

Even so, he didn't quite look up when the other boy came towards him. He knew he was there, but he was copying and important passage.

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He sort of just stood there for a second. He felt so guilty from what happened the day before. He leaned on the balls of his feet and put his hands down on the chair. "I--" Remus started to say something, but choked up. "I'm awfully sorry. Are you alright?"

That was a dumb question. "I mean -- I don't know what I mean." He was kicking himself now. He shouldn't have come. This was stupid. The more he saw Severus, the more he was just going to end up hurting.

"I should go. I don't want to bother you." He said after a few awkward seconds. He didn't want to, but the last thing he wanted to do was hurt the other even more. This friendship was bound to failure anyway. A Slytherin and a Gryffindor just couldn't be friends.

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Severus looked up and the chair that Remus was leaning on was pushed back. He drew his foot back under the table and watched Remus for a moment. "Backing out, are you?" He wasn't going to talk about last night. As far as he was concerned, last night hadn't happened.

He could not put his finger on why he didn't feel betrayed. His over protectiveness on his privacy and his emotions should have kicked in by now. But they hadn't. And that was telling.

"I need an extra pair of hands or I'll never get this done." A ghost of a smile crossed his crimson lips.

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He sighed and took a seat. If Severus wasn't going to address it, then neither was Remus. "Give me a book." He said looking over the other boy. He could see the bruises on the side of his face. His stomach lurched, but didn't say anything.

He took out a fresh roll of parchment. "Oh, you'll want to skip that book. It's all about how to guess what you're animal form will be. There's no way to tell, really." Remus pointed at a small book near the bottom of the pile.

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"I'm still trying to focus on 'bat,'" he murmured, inadvertently letting it slip. "Spider was an option, but I've no desire to get stepped on. And flying... I think flying'd be nice." He watched Remus sit, closing the book he was skimming to put in a pile of 'useless but interesting' reads.

They were quiet for a long time, though Severus's eyes flickered upwards on a regular basis.

Finally, wetting his lips, Severus sat back and addressed Remus rather formally. "Don't be sorry." He'd spent half an hour on this in his head while they worked together. "It wasn't your fault." Intense black eyes focused on him for a long, long time before dropping again. "Here, what about this passage? Breathing exercises. Do they work?"

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They must have kept missing each other, because every so often, Remus would pick his head up to look over at Snape. The guilt on his face must have shown through, because even as he was copying things down, he was thinking about it.

"You didn't deserve that." He said quietly, still looking at the book in front of him.

He looked up to meet his eyes, lost in the darkness of them for several moments. "What?" He shook his head. "They help with the pain the first few times. Eventually your body will recognize what you're trying to do and it will no longer hurt."

He continued to look in his eyes. If he managed to do it, he'd understand part of what Remus went through every day. Only the pain never stopped, because at no point was Remus ever prepared for the transformation or wanted it.

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Severus had already gotten Black back, so it didn't matter. The Gryffindor was already upstairs rolling around on James's bed complaining about an itchy crotch, making Potter stare at him in horror as he tried to figure out just what spells he could use to clean his bed off.

The thought made Severus smile, even if he was doing it while looking at Remus. Their strange report was easier and easier for him to relax during. Even if he was not exactly a handsome boy -- the bruises and his deathly pale skin did him no favors there -- there was just something about his smile that caused his kittenish, cupid's bow mouth to light up his eyes and that, in turn, lit up his face.

"I think this spell is more practical than research oriented. I just can't practice it in the dungeon. Even with curtains drawn."

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Remus hadn't known any of this. He had only grabbed a piece of bread and pumpkin juice for dinner and dashed off to meet Severus - again looking forward to it all day. Even before he gave him the note.

He watched Snape's light up and smiled as well. He couldn't help it. He probably looked ridiculous, just beaming at Severus like it was Christmas or something. And he couldn't stop. His words broke the smile though. He bit his lip in thought.

"I agree. It helps, but it's not something that will help get you from human to animagus form." Remus said as he turned back to the book. "There's a lot of stuff in this book about Transfiguration and the mind. I remember Pads stole this at least twenty times."

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That thought made Severus snicker. He made sure to pay more attention to the book he was on, copying as much as he could verbatim. Stealing books was not his way. Technically, copying was as frowned on as stealing, but no one ever detained Severus. He was a shadow most of the time. Even when he was doing something wrong, the flashier people he was doing it with -- or to -- would get into trouble.

That was probably why Black hated him so much.

Severus sighed through his nose, trying to think of places to go where prefects -- like Remus -- or ghosts and professors could not find him. He came up blank.

"Lake's ruined. Greenhouse is where everyone goes to snog after curfew." He used his quill to scratch his cheek. He was thinking of the Shrieking Shack again...but Remus, understandably enough, was not himself there. "I'll find a place for us." Us. He didn't want to work on it alone.

It was so suggestive, and Severus had no idea.

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He tilted his head and raised his eyebrows at Snape when he said 'us'. When did that happen? Must have been when they agreed to be friends. But it was such an odd thought. One that, oddly enough, made Remus' lips twitch with a brief smile.

"There's always the Shrieking Shack. No one will go there." The only other place he could think of was the Astronomy Tower, but that was also a snogging place. He gave Snape a shrug. If they went back, he was willingly inviting him back -- back into a part of his life he didn't like and rarely shared.