Better Than You

[spinnersending]

"Better Than You"
Who:  Severus Snape & Remus Lupin
When: 6th Year
Chapter One:  Here


A pass to the Restricted Section was even easier than Severus thought it might be.  Dumbledore gave it to him without even glancing up, saying that he was looking forward to the results.  Severus could only imagine that he meant the Wolfsbane Draught paper he was going to submit, but who knew with the old wizard?  Dumbledore was not a man anyone ever underestimated.

When Remus did not show, Severus noticed and wrote it off.  That brief connection and near friendship had been enough to make him even more bitter about the whole idea of friendship and turned him off on it entirely.  Stupid git.  As if he might have actually found things in common with a creature like that!  Good riddance!

Too bad his breakthrough potion was going to help the mangy sod!  Severus groused as he found the book he was looking for and brought it back to the table.  This was not a potions book at all, but one on the animagi.

Comments

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Severus shook his head. "It's only been a day." The tone of voice suggested that Severus had hoped for quick results. He was a brilliant wizard, but no one could manage to master a form change as complicated as that over night. No matter how much they really, really wanted it too.

He was going for bat. The books he read told him that it usually didn't work like that, but it didn't stop him from trying. Like a Patronus, the form was more internal than it was external.

Even so, Severus had hopes of being able to fly into the rafters and get tangled in Black's hair.

"One book says to clear your mind of anything but an animal form. Another says to study anatomy books..."

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He knew as much. It took the Marauders three years, he wasn't expecting to see Snape's Animagus any time soon. Though he would be impressed if he did. "It depends on the person. James and Sirius poured over every book they could. Peter had a harder time with it. He did it in stages, working on his Transfiguration with objects first." Remus said with a grin. The idea of Sirius with a book, willingly, was a feat in and of itself. But it had happened.

He shrugged again. He honestly didn't know why he was there. Snape seemed to get the Patronus down and there wasn't much he could actually do to help with the Animagus aside from pointing him in the right direction. But he didn't want to leave. He liked being there.

And that was a very odd concept to think about. When did it turn from being a friend's enemy to wanting to help someone to merely wanting to be around them? And why was he thinking about it? Since when did he care?

He shook the questions away, too afraid of the answer at that moment. Remus looked back over at Snape and gave him another grin, not knowing what else to do.

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"Don't dare compare me to Pettigrew," Severus snapped, though it lacked the icicles it tended to. "I am already exceptional at transfiguration." Now that was the sort of tone that he generally had, smirking in satisfaction.

He pointed his wand at Remus and turned his scarf into a snake, which, on second consideration, had not been a good idea.

Severus's eyes widened and he rushed forward, dropping his wand to pull the reptile from around Remus's neck before it strangled him. To have Severus show concern over anything other than himself was quite the feat.

[hurleralalune.livejournal.com]

He hadn't meant anything by it, he would have swore to it. Remus was just about to say that when suddenly his scarf was a snake. He couldn't see it, but he could feel it.

It wasn't squeezing him, but he could feel it that it was agitated. It seemed like hours were passing by as he tried to get it off of him. He withdrew his wand finally and as the snake was finally off of him and slithering on the ground. He transformed it back into a scarf.

Remus pointed his own wand at Severus, anger and fear transfixed in his eyes. He stopped before he managed to do anything, verbally or not. "What the bloody hell are you playing at?" He yelled at Snape.

He shook his head. That was it. Honestly, for someone that has no friends one would think he'd treat the one person who acted like he wasn't the slime of the earth differently. He turned his back on him, heading up the hill. He was done with these games.

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It had been a joke. A joke that was not really all that funny, but Severus was socially inept. What he thought was amusing was obviously less so for the person he was trying to tease. He was dumbstruck, face as pale as the moonlight and eyes just as dark.

And still, he could not say anything. He was too proud to apologize and he certainly was not running after anyone. No matter how he felt. Heart falling into his stomach, Severus watched Remus leave before he turned back to the lake. In anger, he grabbed the scarf from the ground, balled it up, and threw it into the water.

He rubbed at his face and sat down, knees drawn. He didn't need anyone. He didn't need a bloody soul. Severus Snape was perfect on his own. Friends were just weaknesses!

And that certainly explained why he found himself sloshing into the water after that damned scarf a moment later!

[hurleralalune.livejournal.com]

He stopped half way up the hill when he heard the sounds of water being disturbed. Oh, what the hell was Snape doing now? And why did Remus care enough to turn around and look? He peered down, but could barely see what was happening. He could see Snape in the water.

Before he could think, he was running down the hill and stopped at the water's edge to meet Snape. He had his wet scarf in the water.

Remus had a look of utter and complete confusion on his face. "What are you doing?"

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Severus shoved the sopping wet scarf at Remus's chest, breathing hard. Going for a late night swim in a jumper and robes was not smart. He was dripping and the extra weight made him slouch a little. Severus shivered and pushed passed Remus, purposefully slamming against his shoulder.

"What am I doing? Going back to the castle." This had been a bad idea from the start.

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"Why are you the one that's angry? You're the git that tried to choke me with the sodding snake!" He yelled back angrily. "And Godric, you're daft. You're a bloody wizard."

Remus pulled out his wand and used a drying spell on Severus, not entirely pleased to be helping the kid that nearly killed him mere minutes ago.

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Severus never thought of these things. He got obsessed, fixated on one idea. It was hard for him to take off his blinders. Remus's spell made him tingle. He was never the warmest person, but that was oddly nice.

"I was not trying to do hurt you!" he yelled, emotions running as hot as the flash against his spine from the magic. "It was just the first thing I saw, that scarf!" He was trying to impress Remus.

Awful as it sounded, that was where his mind had been. He loved the praise that the werewolf seemed more than willing to dish out.

"If I was trying to choke you, there are better spells," he glowered darkly.

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Remus didn't see it as the other trying to impress him. All he knew was that he was a cold person and there was a snake around his neck. He glared back. He was not about to be shouted at like that. "So you saw a scarf and thought, let me turn it into a snake? Really, I thought you were smart." Remus ended up yelling back.

He clenched his jaw. "Seriously, what is your problem? What have I done to warrant any of this? I've been nothing but nice, you punched the shit out of me, I didn't rat you out, I taught you how to produce a Patronus, I even stood up for you at dinner when Sirius started nagging about you. And what was it all for? You haven't changed." He yelled again.

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Severus screwed up his fists and held them clenched at his sides. Remus stood up for him? That stung. "Why do I have to change!?" he shouted back, his eyes wetter than usual, though that could just be the reflection of the moon or the water in them. "What is so bloody wrong with me?!" Well, he knew the answer to that little gem didn't he?

Stalking across the space between them, Severus did not bring up that he had tried to stop the snake from choking Remus when he realized what he did. Or that he had worked to create that potion...well, that hadn't been for Remus, even if, deep down, it was sort of suppose to be an olive branch for that beating.

"I didn't ask you to stick up for me. I didn't ask you to bother me." Despite having asked him to meet here. They were close enough now that Severus could feel Remus's angry breath against his cheek. Close enough to headbutt him if he so chose to.

Severus paused, flecks of wolfish gold in Remus's eyes distracting him.

"I'm not asking for anything," he managed to choke out, eyelids lowering.

Another novel.

[hurleralalune.livejournal.com]

He stood his ground, breathing hard in front of Snape. His eyes were trained on him and he could feel where his wand was if need be. "So you like being miserable then? Not having any friends, always peering into some cauldron day in and day freaking out? You like being a bigot and constantly sucking up to people that if they knew that you weren't a pureblood would rather see you dead? Always seeking some sort of recognition for the pitiful life you lead? Yeah, that sounds bloody fun." He said, letting the words spill out.

He stopped at that. He had to. Remus was becoming meaner and he didn't like it. He would not become like Severus, saying things purely to hurt the other. That wasn't his intent.

Truth was, he was confused about all of it. He watched as Snape's eyes lowered and swallowed. "Despite it all, I like doing this. Whatever this is--" He gestures to the both of them. "I'm not scared to admit it, but I just don't..."

He growled out of frustration. "I can't be whatever it is with you if you can't at least respect me. I'm not asking for anything either. But this constant back and forth between the both of us is maddening. I'm in either a fowl mood or a great mood and it's all because of you! Whatever you did that day, for the past week."

There were far too many emotions running around in his head at the moment. He was still so angry at Snape for what happened. He was glad he didn't stomp away and came back. He was afraid that Snape would still say something harsh and criticizing for what he just said to him. There was a lot. But the look on his face was vulnerable, his hazel eyes round and looking up into Snape's dark eyes - similar to the day the other bruised his ribs.

:) Yay for Remus!

[spinnersending.livejournal.com]

Severus licked his lips in response, trying to come up with something decent to say without managing to have anything come to mind. When he looked up again, Remus was still peering at him. He was so intense that Severus had to take a step back, but found he couldn't. His shoes sunk into the mud. That's what he told himself. The suction was keeping him there.

"I'm trying." His voice was thicker than usual, perhaps because he looked ready to bolt, his eyebrows scrunching up on his forehead. The words were telling. He was not going to attempt to try, he was actually doing it. He had been for that week already. The hate was gone. Old habits were hard to break.

Severus did not lay the blame on anyone. He was as much at fault as Remus was in most cases, if only because he did not think his actions through.

He sucked in a deep breath and then looked down again, turning his head slightly to the side as he contemplated his words and actions. His effortlessly long, pale neck caught the moonlight and he gingerly pressed his fingertips to Lupin's chest.

"I'm sorry."

I need to stop writing novels

[hurleralalune.livejournal.com]

Well that was... not what Remus expected. He thought Snape would retaliate - say something horrible to him. Remus would stomp off hurt, go back to Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail and say they were right.

But that's not what happened. Remus winced when he touched him. His chest was probably the most sensitive area. There were constant lacerations and scars. Plus he was still healing from almost a week ago when Snape had punched him repeatedly. He didn't even go to the Hospital Wing for it.

Despite the flinch, Remus did like the contact. Human contact. And the fact that Snape was still there. It meant that he was still -- whatever they were. He at least liked him enough.

And he apologized.

Remus swallowed. He needed to do the same. "I'm sorry about everything as well. Especially the other day -- in the Shrieking Shack. I freaked out on you and it wasn't -- people don't get to see that part of my life. It took years for me to be comfortable for the others just being there." He blinked slowly. "It's not something I share with people."

He wanted to back away. Just mentioning it made him want to run, but he was using the same excuse Severus was in his head: it was too muddy. Besides there had to be some reason he was a Gryffindor. Having the courage to say all of that wasn't easy.

There was also the fact that he really didn't know why he was there, saying those things. Remus just knew that he related so much to Severus. While he loved his friends, he understood the loneliness, keeping secrets, and hiding -- all to protect oneself.

And it clicked. So that was what it was all about. The way Severus acted, haughty, smug, cruel -- it was the same game Remus was playing. Not that he could blame himself, but he knew there was a different side to Severus. He was staring at that side at that moment.

But they're so lovely!

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"I'm not exactly 'people,'" he muttered, not trying to be a pain in the arse about it, it was simply the way it was. "How I like it, really," he went on. "No one else notices me." He let his hand drop, fingertips running against the fabric just the same until the angle of his arm caused his hand to lose contact with Remus. "Guess I'm the safest bloke to tell your secrets to. Who'm I gonna tell, right? Even if I did, no one'd believe me."

He shook his head to clear the bangs from his eyes. Remus wore his scars under his clothing. Sirius Black liked to give Severus his so that they were visible. As his eyes reconnected with Remus's, Severus chanced a smile.

"I don't know how to be mates." Severus would kick himself latter. He sounded like a right git. Or worse, a pounce. He tried to keep that thought out of his head. "Had a friend when I was younger, but--" He gave a half hearted shrug. "It's not awful to work with you, Lupin."

He lifted his hand again, this time to offer it for a shake.

Awe, thanks.

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Remus shook his head. "It's not that. I just don't trust people easily, I guess. There's too much at stake." He said, looking up. "You found out and you wanted to use it against me. That's how everyone thinks. And it's only going to get worse the older I get."

It seemed like they'd come to some sort of truce. And it felt oddly nice. Though Remus hated to admit that he was rather disappointed Severus' hands left his chest, he shook his hand and gave the other a genuine smile.

"I'm not expecting the world to change -- just don't transfigure a snake around my neck." He gave a small laugh.

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Severus's hand lingered in the slightly thicker, but no less calloused hand of the Gryffindor's. If he had the time to analyze it, he would note that his fingers were longer than Remus's, but more slender. The same with most of their features. They were the same, but not the same. It was those differences that intrigued him enough to keep on holding the scarred digits with his own.

"Scarves are out," Severus said quietly. "But what about neckties?" He pressed his thumb into the meaty part of flesh between Remus's thumb and forefinger. "Spiders?"

He snorted at the look Remus gave him, though he was only playing around.

"You know, Lupin, we're going to tame you. If it works like it should, no one's got any reason to be afraid of you."

[hurleralalune.livejournal.com]

He kept his hand still, grasping the other's firmly in his. It was more human contact. Something that grounded him, made him not worry about the beast within.

"As long as they aren't too venomous. I don't want to die of a spider bite either." Remus grinned again.

The Gryffindor had to smirk at Severus' choice of words. 'Tame'. Interesting concept. "They still will. People fear the unknown. And it isn't a cure. I'll still be a monster." He admitted, averting his eyes again and shifting awkwardly.

Bumped

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