Just Causes

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"Just Causes"
Who:  Severus Snape & Remus Lupin
When: 6th Year
Chapter One:  Here
Chapter Two: Here


Tomorrow night, this place would be filled with a beast tearing at itself until his friends could arrive to keep it calm and keep it company.  Tonight, there was a beast of a different sort in the room, one unnamed but just as fearful.  Swallowing, it was all that Severus could do to clean up as bit before Remus's mouth was on him again.

He laughed.  Laughed.  Mostly this was directed at himself for being so pathetically stupid.  All this time he could have been with Remus and instead, they had left each other feeling miserable over misunderstandings.

Severus was quiet.  Where they were going to do, he wasn't quite sure but he wanted to find out!

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Even Severus could guess, though he reconciled that with his own feelings and his sudden closeness to Remus and his not quite (but rather obvious) worry over the moon and it's transformation.

Sirius made himself available to Remus, but that was nothing new. The Marauders stuck close to each other on the day of the full moon. It was like survival instinct, the clustering. Even Evans was out of the picture for the day!

and reaaaaally long post

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And for once Remus wanted to be alone. To just think or sneak off to meet Severus. But what would he saw? Granted at this stage, their probably wouldn't be much talking.

The day dragged on, continuing as it ever did. They met the Headmaster after dinner, where they got the usual lecture. Remus got the standard hug and pitying glances from Madam Pomfrey. Remus tried to reassure everyone that he'd be fine, knowing in his heart of hearts that it wasn't.

There were too many secrets that night. First of what Remus had with Severus, not the night before, but the entire previous month. Everything. Then there was what transpired the night before and how Sirius didn't even address it, despite knowing about what the full moon did to him. If the man was restless, the beast was doubly so.

And it was a long night. The were smelled its mate all over the house. And it had a pattern. It would sniff out a concentrated spot with Severus's scent, then howl. He would then look up as if waiting for a response. When there was none, Moony would howl again and charge at the wards keeping him locked in the shack. And since he couldn't break free, he'd start attacking himself. When that wasn't good enough, he'd return to the spot and wreak havoc on whatever held the scent. The Marauders couldn't distract the monster either. First he destroyed the table in the parlor, then the spot near the window where they had their first kiss, and finally the bed in the tiny room upstairs.

Except there was one thing different about his routine in this room. If Padfoot even dared enter the room, Moony would turn on him. This was the first time he'd ever tried to harm a friend. But the wolf was adament about this, though he'd lost a lot of his blood so while he managed a snap or two at Padfoot, he mainly growled.

Somewhere around five in the morning Remus collapsed into the debris that was the bed. Finally the bloodloss and injuries had gotten to him.

He transformed back into his human state at St. Mungo's, though he didn't wake. They transported him that night to the Creature Camp at the Ministry. The wolf transformed the next two nights there. Remus was not conscious during any of it.

He didn't wake for nine days. The healers had to put him in a coma for several of those days. These were magical injuries and there was nothing to do but wait.

But eventually he woke up. He was sore, but he was alive. He returned to Hogwarts with the lie that he had caught Dragon Pox again. He also had a meeting with Dumbledore about the whole affair - something Remus wasn't looking forward to.

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There had been no potion for Remus. Dumbledore was certain of Severus's ability, but the safety and side effects of the draught had not been determined. Had Severus known, he would have brewed it himself on stolen ingredients like before.

The wait was the worst part. He had no idea when or if Remus would return. The Marauders kept to themselves. Sirius looked devistated. And the Slytherin could only fear the worst.

He did not see Remus the day that he got back, though he heard the rumors of Dragon Pox and went at once to the Shack.

It was a nightmare inside. An absolute nightmare. With unsteady hands and barely audible words, he did his best to clean up the fur. The blood. The masacred furniture.

Dumbledore was waiting for Remus when he slipped up the stairs, bits of candy handy for a little treat. "I believe that this potion couldn't have come at a better time. You are growing up, Mister Lupin. You are beginning to have needs we can not address at Hogwarts." Dumbledore knew. He always knew.

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Remus couldn't eat. He definitely couldn't partake of any treats, and when Dumbledore mentioned "needs" all he wanted to do was hurl the empty contents of his stomach up. He swallowed sharply, feeling more guilty and responsible than ever. He didn't remember any of it, but knew it was bad. And he knew why.

That was why he kept beating himself up. Everyone worried about him for those days and if he only had the courage to speak up about the past month and straight up tell Sirius to sod off and not be an inconsiderate prick, none of this would have happened.

"I know." He told the Headmaster weakly. "I'm trying to rectify the situation."

Okay, it was a lie, but he wanted to see Severus more than anything. Perhaps things would calm down after he saw the other boy. Or not. But either way he was awfully uncomfortable.

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Dumbledore smiled and leaned back, readjusting his glasses. "So long as you're careful," he warned, and then launched into a story about finding an odd room filled with toilet paper one night while he was looking for the lavatory. "Odd, that, don't you think?"

Should Remus check his map and determine that the lack of Severus Snape could only mean one thing, he'd find an exhausted Slytherin almost asleep and still softly sobbing on a newly cleaned up bed upstairs in the Shack.

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Right. Toilet paper. Remus tried to think long and hard on that story. Dumbledore may have seemed senile, but he was anything but. There was purpose to that story, if only Remus could figure it out.

It took another half hour to get to the Shrieking Shack after he realized where the Slytherin went. He stood at the entrance. Severus would have heard him enter, but he couldn't move. Remus saw the claw marks where he tried to break free. He ran his hand over them idly, wishing he could remember.

He went into the parlor to get to the stairs. He didn't see Severus, but he saw even more damage, more claw marks, and more blood. Much more blood. He followed the trail of blood to the upstairs room and stood in the hallway. He'd planned out what he was going to say to Snape, but as soon as he saw him, the words escaped. Remus just stood there, not knowing what to say or do. His eyes were locked on the other boy.

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In this one room the destruction seemed so much less hopeless. It even smelled faintly of tangerines (Severus had gotten the cleaning spell a bit skewed with his trembling hands and the typical lemon-fresh scent had turned slightly more sweet). Most of the blood was gone, though the scratch marks in the wall were beyond him to repair.

It looked better than it had on their night together almost two weeks before, fresh sheets and a new canopy -- Severus had done his very best and it showed.

"Remus?"

He wiped his face, though it was still splotchy and his eyes were red. That had to be the first time he'd said his name outright.

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Wrapping his arms around himself, he slowly entered the room. He felt like he was walking in on something personal and shouldn't be there. Chewing on his inner lip, he looked down at the ground, not being able to take the destruction on the walls.

Remus opened and then closed his mouth. He stood in the middle of the room and glanced up once at Severus. "I'm sorry." He barely got out.

He'd been blaming himself the whole day. Moony couldn't talk to the Marauders. He didn't yet know that he'd tried to attack Sirius several times. He'd feel even worse if he did. But as it was, he was carrying a load full of regret. He swallowed again and fiddled with his fingers.

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"You should be," Severus muttered, climbing out of bed. He stalked over towards Remus, stopping just short of wrapping his arms around the werewolf. "You said a few days. A few days, and it's been twelve." Not that he was counting. "I had no one I could speak to. No one I could ask. I felt something horrible the night of--"

Severus looked down, eyes closing as his fingers pressed against Remus's wrist.

He hadn't heard the howling, so far away, but he had felt the tugging. That horrible longing to be with Remus. Luckily, he was not stupid enough to go and see him. The werewolf could have torn him apart.

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His stomach lurched at his words. He knew how long it had been, but it had only seemed like a night of sleep for Remus. He could only imagine what Severus had been through. He wanted to touch him, hold him. But there was more he didn't know about.

Remus' wrist was limp and he let Severus feel for it. "Some-something happened that night. After." He stated, clenching his teeth. How could he even begin to explain this.

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Severus lifted his eyes and touched the brand new scar on Remus's cheek. He assumed Remus meant the night of the moon, not what had happened when he left this bed with Severus's scent still on his skin. "I can see that," he murmured, fingers ghosting over the slash on Remus's jaw line. "Why was it so bad this time?"

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His chin lifted and then his eyes even slower to look back into Severus' dark eyes. He grit his teeth. Shaking his head, Remus sighed. "That's not what I meant. The night before the full moon. That's why it was so bad. Whatever I'm going through is only redoubled by the wolf. What I feel is intensified." He said as he scratched at the back of his neck.

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Severus's cool fingers stayed on Remus's jaw. He wasn't sure where Remus was going with this. Had Severus caused a bad transformation somehow? Had he been given that potion? A sense of dread filled him and his fingers itched as he watched Remus's eyes. Don't panic, he told himself fitfully. He swallowed slightly and tried to brace himself for the worst. Remus would not want to see him again.

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He shook his head lightly. "It isn't you. At all." Remus said, reading the look on Severus' face. "No. It was Sirius."

Lupin sighed. He was already way past the point of no return. He had to tell him. Tell him why everything was so convoluted now. Why he clearly lashed out the night of the full moon. "He was waiting for me that night. He was drunk and waiting for me."

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Remus was going to have to explain to everything, absolutely everything, or else Severus was going to march up to Gryffindor and slaughter Black.

After what happened in the hallway a month ago -- that terrifying moment when Black had almost threatened to make him... Inhaling, he tried not to think about it.

Drunk. Waiting.

Severus grit his teeth. He opened his mouth to spit out something foul and failed.

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Remus shook his head. "Nothing. Nothing like that happened. He just wanted it to. I told him I couldn't. He just wanted to use me and I refused him. I-I couldn't do it." Remus bit down on his lip again, trying to contain himself.

He attempted to take his hand, but understood if he refused it. Right now, Remus felt like the lowest form of anything. He truly was a monster in his eyes and he couldn't stop beating himself up.

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Severus took it at once.

Given a choice, Remus had picked him. Over Sirius Black. He was blank, eyes wider than usual before he made a soft 'hmm' sighing sound through his lips. The edges turned up and he butted his forehead gently to Remus's.

His eyelashes were wet again, but he ignored that. No one had ever chosen him over another. His heart felt as if it was on fire.

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Remus didn't know what to do. At all. Severus wasn't running away or hexing him or insulting him. He was doing the opposite in fact. He swallowed again, leaning against the other. "Why don't you hate me?" He asked, nearly pleading. He just wasn't expecting any other response. Especially not tears and an embrace.

"We haven't talked about it -- him and I. I know I have to eventually, but I just... I can't. I can't believe he was willing to do that to his best mate. And I put myself in that position." Remus bit his lip again.

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"Why would I hate you?" Severus murmured, arms moving around Remus's neck finally so that he could hold on better. Remus and he had kissed a few times, had a bit of a roll around together, but they weren't exclusive. They were not 'dating' or 'seeing' each other. There had been nothing verbal there. "Black is a hateful blagger," he muttered. "And a right div."

And you chose me.

"Are..." He swallowed the thought that Remus might want Sirius in the future...when he wasn't drunk. He did say he had put himself in his position, right? Nevermind that now. "Are we all right?"

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Remus knew that the two of them weren't exclusive, that nothing was ever said about it. It'd be odd to bring such a subject up anyway. And it wasn't even necessarily what he wanted. He rather liked whatever it was they were. It was just that Remus felt excessively guilty, not wanting to lose Severus. After all, they stopped talking for weeks because of a misunderstanding.

He took a deep breath, breathing in Severus' scent -- the one that the wolf was trying to get at so badly. "Why wouldn't we be?" He asked, pulling away just enough to look in his eyes.

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Because I was afraid you were going to tell me that you'd rather be with Black. It was a mental confession. The best that could be done now. Severus tugged Remus close to him again, greedily kissing his rough lips.

Losing Remus was not an option, not anymore. As pathetic as Severus thought it to be, he couldn't manage to breathe if he thought they'd be otherwise.

The kiss was short, if only because he was sure he was hurting Remus. If his face was scarred like that, his body had to be worse.

And he'd go through it again in two weeks.

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He was sore, but he'd rather be sore than not have Severus. Remus rapped a bruised arm around him and kissed him. This time it was he who was a little rough, letting Severus know he wasn't some fragile thing. No matter what Severus did to him, he could face the pain. He was worth it. Just hopefully he wouldn't touch his ribs.

He also took the kiss to mean that Severus wasn't worried about them being together. Though he did still wonder why he asked in the first place.

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Nose to nose, Severus's lips brushed Remus's again. He didn't want to talk. Two weeks had been a long time to go from having the wolf to having no one but his worry.

He took his hands in his own and tugged him back to the bed. His head ached and all he wanted to do was curl up against his chest and listen to his heart for a little while.

The world could disappear for all he cared.

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Remus didn't want to talk, because it seemed like whatever was happening was good enough for Severus. He was fine with that. He was fine with doing whatever the other wanted to set him straight again. It clearly had been an emotional twelve days for him. That was a lot of time to be on ones own.

He followed him back to the bed, not knowing how wrecked it was when Severus first got there. Of that being the spot that he nearly bled out in. But now the bed was put back together and Remus laid back, wrapping an arm around Severus.

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As much as Severus would have rather done the holding, to exert whatever power there was to be had in situations like these, all he wanted to do was lay his head on Remus's chest and wait for the world to right itself.

The moment he put his arm around Remus's chest he felt the slight hiss and snarl and not only drew back, but invasively pulled up his jumper and gazed at the mess his pale skin was covered in.

He caught his breath.

"Lupin, what bloody happened to you?! This place was... I was sure you were dead when I came in."