Better Than You

[spinnersending]

"Better Than You"
Who:  Severus Snape & Remus Lupin
When: 6th Year
Chapter One:  Here


A pass to the Restricted Section was even easier than Severus thought it might be.  Dumbledore gave it to him without even glancing up, saying that he was looking forward to the results.  Severus could only imagine that he meant the Wolfsbane Draught paper he was going to submit, but who knew with the old wizard?  Dumbledore was not a man anyone ever underestimated.

When Remus did not show, Severus noticed and wrote it off.  That brief connection and near friendship had been enough to make him even more bitter about the whole idea of friendship and turned him off on it entirely.  Stupid git.  As if he might have actually found things in common with a creature like that!  Good riddance!

Too bad his breakthrough potion was going to help the mangy sod!  Severus groused as he found the book he was looking for and brought it back to the table.  This was not a potions book at all, but one on the animagi.

Comments

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"There you are!" Sirius didn't seem to think that this was a problem. He had that amused, impish look to his face, sitting back on his heels to at least relieve the pressure from Severus's shoulders. "Figured you'd sneak out the library, but look! Found our favorite mate, right, Snivellus?" Sirius looked back down at tearing black eyes and laughed harder. "What a baby!"

Sirius was reckless. What he found to be funny lately was absolutely cruel and his pranks were getting worse and worse. Since Prongs had started with Evans, Padfoot was acting out more and more.

Severus was invariably the whipping boy.

Shocked, embarrassed and so afraid that he was actually in tears, the Slytherin just turned his face away.

[hurleralalune.livejournal.com]

Remus grabbed his jumper at the shoulder and attempted to pull him away. He had half a mind to take points away, but he knew that Sirius would just laugh and probably make things words. "Leave him alone, Sirius. This isn't funny." He said.

He had nothing to threaten him with. He could only hope that the seriousness in his voice was enough to dissuade him from his intended actions. Though it rarely worked before so he wasn't sure it would work now.

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Sirius just smirked. He was a good head taller than Remus, and a good bit more intimidating. With his eyebrow arched, he looked down at his friend and put a hand on his shoulder. "Calm down, Moony. Jus' playin' you know that. I wouldn't do any perminant damage!"

Severus hadn't moved. He was too busy trying to regain his composure, a very difficult thing under the circumstances.

"I think you put your prefect badge on too tightly today," he murmured, gently patting Remus on his cheek. "Hey, do you've got breakfast in there?" At least Sirius was easily distracted.

Severus finally skittered up to his feet and yanked his wand from Sirius's hands. "You--" he yelled while Padfoot went through Remus's satchel. "B-Both of you...you stay away from me--"

Sirius blinked, feeling his robes starting to get hot. Very hot. Severus hadn't even said a spell!

"I... I swear to Merlin I'll kill you if you ever touch me again!"

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Remus just stared pointedly at Sirius as he handed over the satchel. He didn't look pleased, but at least Pads was off of Severus. He clenched his jaw and shook his head disapprovingly. It didn't merit a verbal response. Sirius never listened anyway.

He finally gave in and looked over at Severus. His hazel eyes softened, and all he wanted to do was comfort him. But he couldn't. Remus knew he'd find himself in this situation. It was worse than he could have imagined and Sirius didn't even know about them. The clincher was that Remus desperately wanted to comfort him, but Sirius loomed over him.

"Come on, Pads. There's probably more to eat in the Great Hall." He bit his lip, still looking at the Slytherin.

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It was hard to look menacing with tears running down your face, but it just meant that the refreeze of Severus's heart would be all the more brittle and twice as sharp. The delights of yesterday were gone. All he had left was an aching hole and a mind filled with pure, blind hatred.

His fingers itched and his eyes stung. Oh, everything was wrong. Everything was wrong. With the two Gryffindors leaving, Severus leaned against the wall and waited for the ache to end.

It didn't end. It just got worse.

Days passed. A week passed. Two weeks passed.

"The nerve. I'm still catching him looking at me," Sirius snorted.

Oh dear, it's going to be a BAD full moon for Moony

[hurleralalune.livejournal.com]

Those two weeks passed like molasses, each day worse and slower than the last. There seemed no point to anything. Remus seemed horribly down about everything and nothing the Marauders did could cheer him up. He hid behind his books, trying to plug up the ache that still resided in him.

He blamed it on the full moon coming up in the next few days. And while it was true, it only made things worse. He was far more emotional and needing. Everything in him wanted Severus, but there was nothing he could do about it. Severus hated him, and Remus had to deal with it. He replayed that morning in his head at least a hundred times a day. More if he had Potions that day.

Remus looked up slowly from his Transfiguration book, and then over to Sirius. "Don't take it so personal. It's just what he does." He shrugged, trying to shrug the Slytherin off.

:( Poor Remus

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"He just stares at me all day? I catch him in classes too!" This was only because Sirius tended to sit between James and Remus that he was sure he was the object of those haunting, angry, oddly expressive eyes for someone with such a straight and emotionless face. "I'm going to say something--"

It was James that reached up to tug his best friend down. "Heel, Pads. Sit down. Good boy."

On the rare occassions that Severus actually caught Remus's eye, he turned away completely. He couldn't deal with his wants properly and it was absolutely eating at him.

Two nights before the full moon, the Marauders were all feeling it's call. They were on edge as Remus became more and more prone to the affects of the transformation to come. It usually meant that they acted out all the more. Severus had been fairly good ignoring them to a degree but when something from behind him flipped into his cauldron and turned his potion into sentient slime that tried to crawl out the door, he'd had enough.

Unfortunately for Remus, when Severus turned to blow up the cauldron Black was working on in retaliation, his friends had all 'abandoned him' while looking innocent.

"Mister Snape! Mister Lupin! DETENTION!"

You clearly just like torturing him EVEN MORE

[hurleralalune.livejournal.com]

Remus was thankful Sirius listened to James. He didn't need round two of this. Not now, not when every fiber of his being itched for Severus' touch. And it only got worse as the hours got closer to the full moon.

To say he was upset about the detention was an understatement. Not only had he done nothing, as he usually did, but it meant time with Snape. And given that the full moon was a little more than twenty-four hours away, Remus was not looking forward to this.

He sat there at his desk, scribbling down an essay. If he could ignore the Slytherin for the next few hours and not touch him, then all would be well. He'd get out of this unscathed.

One thing to know about playing with me: I LOVE Torturing characters!

[spinnersending.livejournal.com]

Slughorn was not the best moderator for detention. Severus would have happily been set to work preparing ingredients, but instead, he was left writing an essay he could do in his head that seemed fit for a second year. He'd just completed, and heard back that morning, that his wolfsbane potion paper had been accepted for publishing and that it was moving into the testing phase as potions masters around the globe tried to recreate it.

Not that he cared. Remus could suffer for a few more months. He didn't mean that however. And he knew it, chiding himself.

"Now boys." Severus looked up, hoping for a reprieve from the essay, even if he was only at six feet out of the ten required. "I've a dinner party to attend. Can I trust you two not to hex each other?" He didn't wait for a response. "Good lads!"

And off he went.

It's okay, I torture Remus far more than any other character

[hurleralalune.livejournal.com]

Remus didn't look up. Well this was fantastic. Being left in a room with a bloke you've previously snogged while currently amped up with hormones. Great. Just great.

He continued to scratch his quill against the parchment, just to do it. He needed something to do to take his mind off of him. Remus shook his hand and stretched his neck, eyes trained on the paper.

Even as Slughorn left, he didn't dare look away.

*cheer* I think Sev might be my whipping boy too

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It was too quiet for too long. Severus hadn't been planning on doing anything other than hate on Remus until he could finish up his scroll and run away. It was just hard to do so when he was having a hard time not turning around to stare at him.

"I've received word," he said, and then cleared his throat, "that they are going to begin testing the draught. I'm sure Dumbledore will be able to have Slughorn make it for you next month."

Older Remus is much easier to be mean to

[hurleralalune.livejournal.com]

He continued to scratch at the parchment. His eyes flickered up in a moment of weakness. "Good deal." Remus managed to keep his voice cool. It wasn't at all inviting, but not angry either. He just needed to control himself long enough to get out of there.

I think older Severus is harder. He's already got nothing and you expect it to end bad.

[spinnersending.livejournal.com]

Good deal? Severus smirked and finally turned to look at the other boy. He'd not cast his Patronus in weeks. He hadn't tried to get the ears to reappear either. He'd just completely ripped the small bits of comfort Remus provided out of his life. He meant to say something, but he couldn't manage it, watching Remus masacre his scroll instead.

Remus already lost everything. He's the adult character you know has problems

[hurleralalune.livejournal.com]

And he continued to massacre it, too. Until he stopped. Remus looked back up at him. "You know it didn't have to be like this." He clenched his teeth. The silence was just making matters worse.

But that just makes him so much more loveable!

[spinnersending.livejournal.com]

Severus blinked entirely too long lashes at Remus, willing himself to turn around even if he could not manage it. He dropped his head instead. "What did you expect it to be like?" he finally asked. He could literally feel his heart pounding away in his chest as he tried to muster up something more to say. "There's just no way we could have... It was wrong to even...." Severus clammed up and turned around before he told Remus that he missed him. Oh, missed him so much.

Indeed. And that much more easy to throw angst at him

[hurleralalune.livejournal.com]

Remus looked over at him. "I wasn't expecting that. I wasn't expecting you to storm off and not talk to me for almost three weeks." Remus swallowed. He wanted to go over and hug him, hold him, do something to regain the connection, the contact they once had.

But he didn't. He just sat there, and looked up at Severus with pain staked eyes and regret.

"It wasn't supposed to happen like that. I overreacted." He said simply.

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"Yes," he said without hesitation. His hair had grown out more since they'd last been in touching distance and covered the back of his neck completely even when he hunched over his scroll. He hardly cared how straggly it looked. "Overreacted and misunderstood."

He tucked a long strand of black behind his ear and set down his quill again.

"I had determined that the reason I was so comfortable with you was because of what and who you are." He swallowed and lowered his voice. "I wanted confirmation, not to make you think that I did not accept you."

[hurleralalune.livejournal.com]

Remus shook his head. "You don't fully explain things well. And I don't see why you can't just be comfortable with me." He said, scratching the back of his head. His fingers idly toyed with his own hair.

He sighed again as his other hand pressed into his leg. Maybe that would stop the urges to be with him. It only reminded him that he was alone.

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"I could have been," Severus clarrified. "No... I was. I was very comfortable with you." Evidently, their ability to communicate was still piss poor. "Despite the company you keep." That made his lips curl up lightly. Just a little tease. He fell silent again, picked up his quill, and continued on with his essay. "'S'not as if I'd ever been allowed to be myself like I'd been with you."

[hurleralalune.livejournal.com]

Remus sighed and picked at the ends of his hairs still. He didn't know what to do with what he said. His chest tightened and he felt his heart beat quicken. Remus dug his fingers into his palm.

"I know it doesn't mean much, but I'm so sorry about what Sirius threatened to do. I don't know what's got into him lately." Remus said, looking down again.

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Severus stiffened slightly. It was not a good memory. Being so terrified that he broke down like that had been devistating to him. "Doesn't matter," he said through grittened teeth. "I don't--" He had too much pride to go to Remus. Even if he was sure that having his forehead again the other boy's might have calmed his thoughts, he could not risk the drop again.

[hurleralalune.livejournal.com]

He sighed again. It mattered. It mattered far too much for words. Remus bit his lip, his mind revolting from his body. "It does matter. You matter and what he said, what he almost did. It was wrong." Remus said, most of his anger dissolved.

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You matter.

Severus squeezed his eyes shut, accidently ripping the nib of his quill right through the parchment. He let it go and it lightly hit the desk before he turned around, dark eyes unreadable.

I miss you.

Severus tried to catch his breath before he whispered those words, Merlin help him, out loud.

[hurleralalune.livejournal.com]

His eyes simultaneously brightened and darkened at those words. Severus missed him. It meant a lot to hear that, but there was far too many hormones running through his body. He continued to look into his eyes. "I've missed you, too." Remus admitted. Everything in him ached to rush at him. He wanted his touch.

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Severus stood. He made all of the first moves. He orchestrated their connections and reconnections. Remus was waiting for him. Standing up, Severus climbed the teirs towards Remus's desk, leaned on the thick wood surface, and gently butted his forehead against Remus's before he wrapped his fingers in his robes.

It was a good enough start, though the way Remus smelled -- it was everywhere, in his nose, in his blood left Severus breathless. Needy. He almost drew back in fright.